T-NYWTH (fiction)
August 31, 2002
Chris: Today, Kris, we can report that John Walker Lindh has admitted that he made a mistake, and wants America to forgive him.
Kris: That's great news, Chris. Let's hope that others who decry America will see the error in their ways.
Chris: Lindh has begun revealing information about other westerners who collaborated with the Taliban, and hopes to gain a plea bargain for his cooperation.
Kris: Tha's great news, Chris. Let's hope that such bargains will lead others to give information on Americans who have not seen the light.
Chris: Also this week, vice president Cheney has revealed that the Administration believes that it already has authorization from Congress to begin attacks on Iraq, and, furthermore, America does not need the approval of allies and the UN to carry out a pre-emptive attack against "terrorism."
Kris: However, the "president" has revealed that he would welcome Congress's support on the attack.
Chris: That's shows how cooperative our administration is. Not only would the administration welcome Congressional support, the "president" has also revealed that he would welcome the support of America's allies in the "war against terror."
Kris: That makes perfectly good sense, Chris. After all, the Gulf War against Iraq cost some 80 billion dollars, most of it coming from allies like Saudi Arabia. Today, nobody else seems willing to pay the costs.
Chris: That's right, Kris. Our country would be foolish to go about it alone and have to pay for it. And what, Kris, has happened to "unilateralism?"
Kris: Well, unilateralism -- a move of the United States against an enemy like Iraq withour the support of our allies -- made sense if a war against Iraq could be accomplished in a few short bombing raids. After a second look, that seemed unlikely. So it just makes sense that the "president" would seek the support of allies on this adventure.
Chris: Of course, Kris. America always seems to end up paying for the protection of others.
Kris: But the good news is, Chris, that Americais patient, according to our president, and, at the same time, America has no alternative but to replace Saddam, according to our vice president. In either case, America wins. And our administration's war talk has given us no exit. So patient or not, we seem to be on a course for an invasion of Iraq..
Chris: And at last, our president has made it clear who we are at war against.
Kris: That's right, Chris. Until now, we weren't sure who the enemy was, exactly. Let's review, Chris, Who are we at war against?
Chris: We are at war with a vaguely defined enemy. "President" Bush has told us that we are at war against a "shadowy enemy dwelling in dark corners of the Earth" Lieutenant-General Dan McNeill, commander of U.S. troops in Afghanistan, has told us, "I don't have a particular name affixed to what I'm going up against." Or, as the "president" told us last year, "We will rid the world of evil [people]." The "enemy," we are told, could be anybody, and anywhere.
Kris: In news of the economy, Wall Street has not had much in the way of news lately, overshadowed by the good news of America's imminent attack on Saddam Hussein. We are so lucky to be living in the times we are in, Chris. Now matter how many times the America public is reminded of the insecurity of their investments, we can always say that the recovery is just ahead of us, right after the war on terrorism is complete.
Chris: At T-NYWTH, we believe in family values and support our national unity. We believe in the strength of America. We believe that America continues to respect the rights and freedoms of its citizens. We support freedom of choice and freedom of expression. We believe America is a symbol of hope.
Kris: Join us every day as we present the news you wanted to hear. Hear us tell you how we continue to win America's war of terrorism, and America remains strong.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news.
fiction