T-NYWTH (fiction)
Week of July 20 - July 27, 2002
Chris: Once again, we bring you "The News You Wanted To Hear."
Kris: We bring the world to you, the way you wanted to hear it.
Chris: T-NYWTH -- Always upbeat. Always a positive take on the current news developments. We know what you want to hear.
Kris: In a democracy, you have the right to hear the news the way you want to hear it.
Chris: And since everyone believes what they want to believe, we deliver the news and commentary to you in a way that allows you to go on believing that things are the way you want to hear it.
Kris: The news is our gift to you, the people of the United States of America, that you may go on believing that your nation, the world's last superpower, will continue to triumph, in the war to end terrorism, and in the international markets, where America will continue to dominate trade and finance.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news. First the headlines.
Kris: The United States has made no secret of its plans to launch a "pre-emptive strike" against Iraq.
Chris: Our main topic for this week, Kris, is our on the meaning of what "president" Bush calls a "necessary pre-emptive strike against Iraq."
Kris: The good news is, Chris, that a Senate Foreign Relations Committee has been holding hearings to determine whether Saddam Hussein is really a threat to America.
Chris: Further good news, Kris, is that no one has been appointed to this Committee who is likely to take issue with the administration's plans for going to war with Iraq in October.
Kris: And there is even more good news, Chris. Neither the administration nor the Senate Foreign Relations Committee has felt it is necessary to show any substantial evidence of Iraq's intentions. Source. Nobody seems to want this "pre-emptive" war, but the Pentagon has gone forward with plans anyway.
Chris: That's the meaning of a "pre-emptive strike," Kris. It is not necessary to show any cause until after the event, after U.S. troops have had an opportunity to find something in Iraq that we can call "a threat to the peaceful world of democracy."
Kris: The "pre-emptive strike" is expected in October, just a little before the elections.
Chris: Think what good news a successful air strike on an "Axis" country can have on the prospects for successful re-election of encumbents.
Kris: In news of the economy, Chris, the news is good as always. But this time, it is possible to show proof of the economy's strength with numbers. It seems, the NASDAQ and DOW showed substantial gains on Wall Street.
Chris: How great it is to see the prices of stocks go up where they belong.
Kris: That's right, Chris. No one has any reason to doubt the strength of Wall Street when there are gains like this. It's proof once again that America is safe for investors.
Chris: And that's great news, Kris. Now Americans won't expect further reform bills demanding strict accounting of corporations.
Kris: Once again, Chris, this week's developments point to the necessity of continuing the "war on terrorism. Let's review, Chris, Who are we at war against?
Chris: We are at war with a vaguely defined enemy. "President" Bush has told us that we are at war against a "shadowy enemy dwelling in dark corners of the Earth" Lieutenant-General Dan McNeill, commander of U.S. troops in Afghanistan, has told us, "I don't have a particular name affixed to what I'm going up against." Or, as the "president" told us last year, "We will rid the world of evil [people]." The "enemy," we are told, could be anybody, and anywhere.
Kris: There is good news this week that Congress and the "president" have passed acts which look tough on corporate executives.
Chris: The good news for Americans is that this reform bill promises to make investements safe again.
Kris: It looks like good news for 401(k) holders...
Chris: It looks like good news for employees.
Kris: The honest good news for management is that their loans do not have to be accounted, making the company look even stronger than it really is. [Source]
Chris: And the good news for Congressmen and Senators is that they continue to accept large campaign donations from corporate donors, even as they talk tough on reform.
Kris: And the good news for business owners is that with stock prices cheap, the biggest investors have a bigger opportunity than ever to buy out small companies...
Chris: Nothing but good news, Kris. In this week of some of the worst plunges in stock prices and trading in history, we can always find something positive.
Kris: We are so lucky to be living in the times we are in, Chris. Now matter how many times the American public is reminded of the insecurity of their investments, we can always say that recovery is just ahead of us.
Chris: News of the economy is always good, Kris...
Kris: In related news of the economy, the Senate rejected a bill which would have made prescriptions available to seniors who cannot otherwise afford the drugs they crave. [Cf. Bee, August 1, 2002]
Chris: It's reassuring, Kris, that Congress considers health and education issues, as if these are as important as saving Wall Street.
Kris: And equally reassuring, Chris, that our economy is spared any new entitlements at taxpayer expense.
Chris: At T-NYWTH, we believe in family values and support our national unity. We believe in the strength of America. We believe that America continues to respect the rights and freedoms of its citizens. We support freedom of choice and freedom of expression. We believe America is a symbol of hope.
Kris: Join us every day as we present the news you wanted to hear. Hear us tell you how we continue to win America's war of terrorism, and America remains strong.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news.
fiction