T-NYWTH (fiction)
July 15, 2002
Chris: Once again, we bring you "The News You Wanted To Hear."
Kris: We bring the world to you, the way you wanted to hear it.
Chris: T-NYWTH -- Responsible, Good News Radio, and Good News Online We know what you want to hear.
Kris: In a democracy, you have the right to hear the news the way you want to hear it.
Chris: And since everyone believes what they want to believe, we deliver the news and commentary to you in a way that allows you to go on believing that things are the way you want to hear it.
Kris: The news is our gift to you, the people of the United States of America, that you may go on believing that your nation, the world's last superpower, will continue to triumph, in the war to end terrorism, and in the international markets, where America will continue to dominate trade and finance.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news. First the headlines.
Kris: America continues to win the "War on Terrorism." Visit our subsection, "America at War with the World," and commentary. No new terrorist attacks have occurred anywhere in the world. That makes 16 days since the last act of "terror" was committed against America and its allies.
Chris: Let us pause to remember just who we are at war against.
Kris: Who are we at war against?
Chris: We are at war with a vaguely defined enemy. "President" Bush has told us that we are at war against a "shadowy enemy dwelling in dark corners of the Earth" Lieutenant-General Dan McNeill, commander of U.S. troops in Afghanistan, has told us, "I don't have a particular name affixed to what I'm going up against." Or, as the "president" told us last year, "We will rid the world of evil [people]." The "enemy," we are told, could be anybody, and anywhere.
Kris: The good news is that America's leaders know who these enemies are, and they know where to find them.
Chris: For example, Federal investigators recently uncovered a link between Al-Qaeda members and a Seattle mosque. This is part of the ongoing flow of information coming from Taliban members in captivity at Guantanamo. While international justice organizations decry this method of perpetual captivity, the administration justifies holding these "illegal combatants" because they are a continue source of dependable information on the activities of terrorist networks.
Kris: In news of the economy, "president" Bush today offered promises of a strong economy. He reassured us that the economy is "fundamentally sound."
Chris: We don't know what "fundamentally" means here, Kris, but the president wants to assure everyone that the stock market will again be selling hith.
Kris: That's right, Chris. A strong economy is one where Wall Street is selling high.
Chris: Today's great news from Wall Street is that economists are promising, hoping, that the plunge in the stock market will end soon. After eight weeks of decline, economists are hoping for tough legislation from Congress against corporate fraud will win the confidence of investors. We all look forward to a stock market rally.
Kris: That's great news, Chris. And it's notable that there has been no news, lately, regarding Congress's desire to end homelessness, reform welfare, or fight poverty.
Chris: Nonetheless, Kris, the news is good. A strong economy is just what the president promised us, in his speeches. The Senate, today, also promised to rein in corrupt corporate leaders. This move also restores investor confidence in the market. That's a strong economy.
Kris: On the brighter side, the economy is expected to spring back after high risk investments were initiated to restore America's confidence in the Market. Despite the president's promises, and the Senate's tough legislation, the Dow plunged 439 points today, before a short recovery.
Chris: But be assured that the economy will be better shortly.
Kris: There's always a better market tomorrow, Chris. As Ari Fleischer, press secretary to "president" Bush, has told us, the Dow's gyrations, "are part of the private cycle of the market." That's reassuring.
Chris: And that's the way you wanted to hear it. Monday, July 15, 2002.
Kris: How lucky we are, Chris, to be living in a country where Americans are free to hear the news they way they want it.
Chris: At T-NYWTH, we believe in family values and support our national unity. We believe in the strength of America. We believe that America continues to respect the rights and freedoms of its citizens. We support freedom of choice and freedom of expression. We believe America is a symbol of hope.
Kris: Join us every day as we present the news you wanted to hear. Hear us tell you how we continue to win America's war of terrorism, and America remains strong.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news.
fiction