fictionfictionT-NYWTH (fiction)
Now here's Chris:
Chris: Each day, we bring you "The News You Wanted To Hear."
Kris: T-NYWTH -- Always upbeat. Always positive.
Chris: We know what you wanted to hear. And that's what we deliver.
Kris: Not just any news, not the bad news, but the news you always wanted to hear,
the way you wanted to hear it, 'round the clock.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news.
Kris: Now, let's go to Chris...
T-NYWTH - Week of July 20 - July 27
Chris: Today, Kris, we can report that the "president" has finally promised that he has some real evidence that Iraq is a threat.
Kris: That's great news, Chris. We've always known that Sadaan was a threat.
Chris: Now the "president" has found satellite evidence that "unexplained construction" is evident at some sites in Iraq.
Kris: What greater evidence could anybody want?
Chris: Why those are almost the president's exact words, Kris, as he talke to Prime Minister Tony Blaire. "I don't know what more evidence we need" to justify the attack.
Kris: No doubt, they'll find more evidence, if they look around enough.
Chris: And now the "president" is urging international leaders to let America go forward with their own way of dealing with Iraq -- whatever that may be
Kris: It's great to know that America leads the world, Chris. The American administration has shown the world that we will consult with world leaders to urge them to support America in our own strategy of dealing with our enemies.
Chris: That's shows how cooperative our administration is. Not only would the administration welcome Congressional support, the "president" has also revealed that he would welcome the support of America's allies in the "war against terror."
Kris: That makes perfectly good sense, Chris. After all, the Gulf War against Iraq cost some 80 billion dollars, most of it coming from allies like Saudi Arabia. Today, nobody else seems willing to pay the costs.
Chris: That's right, Kris. Our country would be foolish to go about it alone and have to pay for it. And what, Kris, has happened to "unilateralism?"
Kris: There's more good news, Chris. It seems that the press has stopped asking "president" Bush about how he made money for doing nothing much at Harken.
Chris: That's right, Kris. And furthermore, the public seems to have forgotten that many people have lost part of their retirement to greedy CEO's. I'm sure the public was tired of hearing that one.
Kris: That's right, Chris. Since the Sarbanes-Oxley Act passed recently by Congress, stopping CEOs from getting rich off of corporations by some of the methods they used to have available, it is perceived that no one has to worry about their retirement plan until they are ready to draw on it.
Chris: And that's only a few people at a time, so the public doesn't need news about it.
Kris: That's the benefit of having a continual war, Chris. The news headlines are simple, startling...
Chris: And always good news. No matter what happens, America is sure to win.
Kris: In news of the economy, Wall Street has not had much in the way of news lately, overshadowed by the good news of America's imminent attack on Saddam Hussein. We are so lucky to be living in the times we are in, Chris. Now matter how many times the America public is reminded of the insecurity of their investments, we can always say that the recovery is just ahead of us, right after the war on terrorism is complete.
Chris: At T-NYWTH, we believe in family values and support our national unity. We believe in the strength of America. We believe that America continues to respect the rights and freedoms of its citizens. We support freedom of choice and freedom of expression. We believe America is a symbol of hope.
Kris: Join us every day as we present the news you wanted to hear. Hear us tell you how we continue to win America's war of terrorism, and America remains strong.
Chris: All news. All good news. Only good news.
fiction